On Tuesday, November 1, 2016 one week before Election Day the political polls universally showed Clinton leading by over 12 points nationally and winning 49 out of 50 states.

Trump asked the TV networks for ½ an hour of time to make a major announcement. They agreed and offered Clinton the same.

The country went on an electric alert, not having a clue what he had in mind.

Trump selected his Florida home ball room to make his announcement in front of the glitzy chandeliers reminiscent of the Kremlin.

He stepped to the podium surrounded by his third wife and all three families of his children, wearing a golf outfit and carrying his own club bag, with a flag that said: “Freedom here we come.”

He did not bother with introductory palaver:

“I know a lot of you think I am a fabulous, winning narcissistic pig.

If only more of you could know the real me—you know the amazing, stupendous me.

I am perhaps the biggest and best, unbeatable altruist in the world. And, what I have done for you this year proves that statement to be true. No –  Jeff Bezos Washington Post– zero Pinocchios!

You cannot know how hard it has been for me to play the role I have played all these months. To come down so hard on my old friend McCain was not easy. I felt really bad about mimicking that crippled New York Times reporter. And that military hero Kahn and his family deserved better than what I dished them. Those highlights and many other similar things were done for a good and very important reason.

I had to gain clear and visible support from lots of stupid white working men in the rust belt to be seen as a credible force and political threat.

Why do you suppose I proposed a wall between the US and Mexico and insisted that they pay for it? I needed to gain incredulity to stiffen the spines of haters of foreigners. I know that looked crazy, when I had been using foreigners all over the country in my projects. Believe me, it takes character and guts to make oneself look so inconsistent and stupid in public—you know guts, character and solid temperament—that’s the man you have been reviling.

People have kept asking me to spell out my policy program. It was impractical and impossible for me to reveal what I really think about substance –mainly because I do not think about that subject much.  Also what I believe deep down would not have worked out well for a Republican, or any other serious, candidate.  I hope you will understand why I was covering up how decent I really am— really decent—it was not easy!

Now that it is finally pretty clear to the world that I have safely lost the election, I can tell you about what I have been, not so quietly, doing for this country.

In early 2015 I looked at the field of Republican seekers of the Presidency and at Hillary Clinton and concluded that despite her being a serious liar — who really does care about that?—she was far and away the best person for the job. I worried about all those loser Republican contenders as not being up to the job. Therefore, I took it upon myself to wipe that field clean to give her a clear, sure shot against me.

I knew from the start that I did not want to be President—though it surely has made my brand more valuable—and that, with my limited attention span, I knew I could never do the job properly anyway.

So believe it or not –make your own choice–I set out to set things up for Hillary to become our next President.

I am very proud of my success and I want to assure her and you that I will do all I can to help get her programs fully enacted.

All I seek now is Time magazine’s “Man of the Year” on Jan. 1, 2017 and reimbursement from the Clinton campaign for the $217,000,000 I personally spent to make all this possible for her and our great country.

I now also have to admit that to my surprise that it has been fun for me.

I hope you have had some fun along the way, too?

God Bless America and all of you all.

I am off to Scotland so you will not have me to kick around anymore.”