TIPS FOR GROWING OLD

No advice; just tips for navigating the golden years.

1-DO NOT FALL! Great advice but how? Hold on to everything you can grab, but never “grab ‘em by …”, well, you know.

2-DO NOT FORGET YOUR IPHONE: You never know when God may try to reach you. Best to talk to her when she calls!

3-DO NOT FORGET YOUR NAME: The person at the front desk probably will not know it either.

4-DO NOT WORRY ABOUT LOSING YOUR HEARING: Most of what you were hearing was not worth it—learn to nod knowingly and dream on.

5-DO NOT LET SOCIAL MEDIA INTRUDE ON YOUR PRIVACY: Just kidding! You already haven’t had any since 2005.

6-DO FORGET WHAT YOU WERE TRYING TO REMEMBER: It is the quickest way to remember.

7-DO NOT TRY TO REMEMBER WHAT YOU WERE GOING TO DO NEXT: Simply do something else and you will remember it at an inconvenient moment.

8-IF SOMETHING LOOKS UNFAMILIAR: It probably really is.

9-IF EVER YOU FEEL WOBBLY: Sit down and drink a glass of whiskey.

10-IF EVER YOU DREAM OF DEATH: Wake up right away.

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