The Election is Over

But the Squabbling Continues…

Just about every prediction about this election has been proven right and wrong.

Biden won the popular vote AND the Electoral College handily but Trump – according to him — will still win when all his ‘hidden’ votes are fully revealed – he promises by the end of 2021 – and a 9-person Supreme Court has finally ruled.

In the meantime, Trump has refused to leave the White House, so the US Army physically removed him to a ‘brown’ house on a military base; Trump hung a big sign on the front reading, ‘White House.” The country collapsed into giggles. Twitter kept on publishing his twisty tweets, but his followers shrank to 7 – YES, just 7 – PEOPLE! Setting aside the convicted felons (Flynn, Bannon) and the soon-to-be convicted (Giuliani, Barr) among them, his actual audience was two of his five children and Sean Hannity.

Trump’s minions, meanwhile, took their cues from their boss. Cabinet officers refused to vacate – or to meet with the replacements Biden was quickly naming.  A clever federal judge in D.C. cited each of them with contempt and instructed federal marshals to subject the recalcitrant to an endless loop of “Apprentice” repeats – but only the ones with Omarosa. Most returned reluctantly and quietly to a life of private sector corruption.

The New York Times came up with a –sort of – solution. They created a special section called “The Presidency In Two Parts: Take Your Choice.” Different teams covered the President-in-Waiting and the President-Waiting-for-Prison. They even came up with a special new slogan “All the news – whether you like it or not!”

Of real concern, some parts of the world began acting strangely.

The Russians began a big military build-up near the Fulda Gap, threatening NATO; the Chinese began a big build up militarily threatening Taiwan. Britain and other former U.S. allies assured them both that everything would be fine, and that the madman in the Brown House couldn’t do anything to threaten Russian or Chinese interests.

All the while the US State Department remained tight lipped, embarrassed and confused. Not-Secretary of State Mike Pompeo went into hiding (rumors were that he found anonymity as a correspondent for the One America News Network).

In the Mideast, Israel opened negotiations with the Saudis offering them key technology in exchange for a 50-year peace treaty and $100 billion a year. Trump called the deal “worse than the Iran deal,” but, like the tree that fell in the forest, no one heard him.

In the US, hope abounded. A new political party began forming, to be called The Trust Party.  It hoped to draw people away from the Democratic and Trumpian Parties that created the mess from which the country had just emerged. When people asked who they were supposed to trust, the answer was “US” – meaning them, not the United States.

As time passed, the military wanted its Brown House back to get on with their real duties. But Trump had other ideas. He had gotten himself a pet lapdog, Lindsey Graham, and was growing accustomed to life in the Brown House. Served with an eviction notice, Trump tried to claim his Executive Order in the summer of 2020 had banned evictions while Covid-19 raged across the country. When the fight finally reached the Supreme Court, it was discovered that the “Executive Order” was simply a blank sheet of paper onto which Trump had scrawled his signature (much like his health care “plan”).

Trump ordered a contractor to paint his brown house white in the hopes that the sheriff sent to evict him wouldn’t recognize the place. On the third night the scaffolding strangely collapsed and Trump, who was “inspecting” it at that very moment – and absolutely NOT wandering the grounds in his bathrobe — was tragically killed. The nation collectively mourned its newfound inability to enjoy the sight of Trump rotting in prison.

Pence was in Brazil at the time. The State Department denied him a return visa.

At that point, the Joint Chiefs met and declared that Biden was the President.

It was a strange process, but like life itself, somehow it finally worked out.   

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